4 reasons why a girl struggles to have an orgasm
I've discovered coding back in 2013 and three years later I spent all my summer building my first Laravel app which is still in production by the non-profit I've built for.
Now I'm struggling to find the balance between enjoying the power of "I can build this myself" and not chocking myself to death trying to build everything myself.
As it is common for developers to be less articulate, I decided to leverage writing about my endeavours, to keep me up.
Perhaps the 99.9% of entire population of men doesn’t have the challenge of reaching a climax, typically accompanied by an ejaculation. However it is not the case for women.
We, humans, for some reason want to always pick the path of least resistance and as guys we also want to just get what we want and that’s it. However this leaves out so much potential out there.
Without diving into why it’s much better to make a girl cum, let’s understand the most common reasons behind. I will address assuming if you, the reader, were a guy.
You’re not taking the lead.
For a girl to climax, she needs to be led, to completely trust you know what you’re doing, and therefore, relax. Some are naturally relaxed personalities and it will not matter as much, while others are going to be as sensitive to your leadership in the bedroom as the doggy smelling chicken in the oven.
To better explain this,
I’m gonna throw out rather a wild example with a soccer team and a coach.
Why a coach is so important?
Well, because for one to perform their best they need to believe they can achieve their best.
Entire society functions on hierarchy one way or another. We start by leading ourselves in the morning to go for a run, train, meditate, journal etc. Some of us, who lead our teams, our departments, our friends, our companies.
Think of someone, you’d been following and felt so inspired that you felt you could move the mountains. Now that’s how it works.
Imagine a girl, who has had little experience, maybe she knows what she likes and could share but she’s too occupied about how she looks to you, if she’s attractive enough, if she smells right, if she tastes nice, if it’s gonna be awkward, beside a dozen other thoughts that she constantly has in her mind.
If you don’t take the lead, you only feed into her unhelpful thoughts. However if you guide her through the entire journey and ensure her on the way, it can easily be one of nicest experiences for her.
It’s as simple as making a small plan on how you’d want it to go down, making sure your place is clean and smells nice, complimenting her and not showing bunch of doubts. This is going to be an entire article on its own. But basically imagine when you’re going to a doctor/surgeon, you want the one, that feels very assertive and certain what he does. And you become this way, by learning before hand. No stupid shit.
Now in some sexually liberated cultures such as Denmark, a girl will more often than not be the one to show more initiative and make advances. But, if she’s being leading one, then how can she enjoy to receive the physical pleasure. It directly contradicts. In this case, it’s actually easier. It’s not about playing who’s more confident but rather showing no hesitation and initiative. The synergy works wonders then.
If it’s a girl that enjoys being more submissive, then you also need to show more of your dominant masculine side. They need this to stop being dominant in their mind in the bedroom, and that is a prerequisite.
PS. In this case, I implicitly ignore situations, where a girl wants to be the Dom, and a guy - the Sub.
Of course, this doesn’t mean disrespecting her boundaries or making sexual advances without a consent.
You have no idea what you’re doing.
Majority of guys don’t know much more beyond that there is a hole and a pole, and that there’s a desire to insert a pole in the hole. Woman’s biology however is far more complex and amazing. While a lady does draw a great pleasure from an intercourse, that’s only a tip of the ice berg of her potential.
We live in an age where we nearly choke from the information. It doesn’t take long to find resources to read about the types of orgasms a girl can have and how to help her enjoy them.
In my early days, I actually read a couple books that were not long at all and it was extremely eye opening about how wonderful biology and genitals of a woman are. I had even watched porn, to get the overall idea of how to behave both in the bedroom and regarding techniques.
Although I feel responsible to tell that a lot of adult content is horrible to learn from. It’s very important to not feel arrogant after seeing a couple of videos and attempt to do it at home all the same. Lots of stuff is fake. In short, if you wouldn’t learn to become a pilot from Hollywood movies… but for inspiration it’s ok.
Anyways, learn this. Perhaps it’s one of the most pleasant thing in the entire life to learn.
You don’t make her horny enough.
This is the greatest challenge in the culture of everything being instant. Instant noodles, instant porn, instant satisfier (a type of vibrator for her), instant sex to put it inside is just as tempting.
Of course, if you have a quickie with your partner, then ignore this.
The biggest cheat code that I had consistently learned over the years to be nearly universal, is the build up, the anticipation.
It’s not about how fast you can go, it’s about how slow you can go.
It’s how I felt when I was a kid a day away from my birthday, anticipating the taste of the cake, the unpacking of presents, even though I probably knew what was inside. As homo sapiens, we’re stupidly simple - put a candy in front of us for long enough, and it’s easily the most delicious one.
The same can be done with many girls (edge cases excluded), tease her enough until she would beg and she will have the easiest time orgasming. It can be as easy as laying down and slowly kissing her lips or neck while you circle a finger right over her entrance as it slowly opens up and becomes ten folds as wet.
To make it easy in practice, think of this.
20 - 20 - 20 rule
Instead of sliding all your fingers inside of her, take it one at a time. Take it slow. Count up to 20 before you slide one fully inside. Same with the tongue, don’t give all your power and speed away. Same goes to foreplay. I know sometimes it’s boring but it has such a profound difference in making her wet and relaxed, that even you will enjoy more later.
To put this in the right order, strive to take 20 minutes before she’s naked. Count at least 20 seconds before you start any type of direct stimulation. Aim to stick to the same movement and not change more often than 20 seconds.
You are trying so hard to make her climax.
This is a kind of tricky one.
If a girl is self conscious and she keeps thinking how you’re trying to make her climax instead of just showing the attention, the physical touch to her, it can completely back fire.
Especially if you are physically struggling to keep up, she will start feeling the pressure to cum as she doesn’t want to hurt your ego, which in return will make it completely impossible.
Therefore, pay attention to how you communicate. Don’t go right down on her and try to make her cum if you had just talked about how she struggles to have an oral orgasm. Don’t act like it’s a car shop. She wants to cum, but if you’re so quick to attempt to fix the problem, it’s obvious.
When you start appreciating her body, take your time. Instruct her to close eyes (blindfold can be good idea), tell her to follow each touch and you can ask her to withhold from orgasming in a confident way. This sounds confusing but it can help wonders removing the pressure.
If you ever been to a massage, treat it like one. It’s a good example. There is no goal, just an entire hour of you enjoying the attention and relaxing. You want her to feel the same way.
Finally, as aforementioned, educate yourself and hit the gym. You will thank yourself later.
Recap
Most guys suck, don’t be most guys. Educating yourself and focusing on giving her good time in a slow patient manner will go a long way, and as you get more experienced, many of these things will happen naturally.
Take initiative in the bedroom. Don’t wait for her to do everything. Show your masculine/dominant side. Of course, respect boundaries and consent is a must.
Learn how to touch her, based on type of orgasms you want to give.
Make her really horny. Be the slowest guy to put it inside she had ever met, “it” can also mean your fingers.
Don’t make it a contest to make her climax. Do it as a secret while giving her the SPA of her lifetime.
Extra tip
Finally, every girl is different. Some have it easier, some are more challenging nuts. It’s work of art.
Most importantly, if you’re genuine about giving her good time and are not insecure about it but neither arrogant, she will be more than happy to share her side of the things and what you can do better. Don’t miss out on it.
