I never thought I’d ever be writing about this. Well, I never thought I’d be where I am today either, haha. In my early journey I had met a girl was, how could I put it nicely, a total anal monster. This girl, as I had found out, was not only passionate about it but she had also gifted butt plugs to her girlfriends.

As a curious person I am, I had said yes. One thing is to try something new for the sake of reference experience, another is - when you try and discover how much love and impact it can have on one. I was meaning to write and share about this, often unfairly feared, topic for a while now. It’s time.

I think there are two great reasons for this. I will start from a lesser one that a kind hearted lady had shared with me.

(Sense of) being dominated & Hot Scene

As I’ve already extensively written about being the man in the bedroom, being dominant comes in many flavors. One of them is actually letting the submissive do things that make her feel dominated. And as easy as that sounds, for some girls , the pleasure comes from the mental play alone. Isn’t that wonderful?

I’ve actually heard quite a lot how many girls desire to sexually submit but they cannot find the partner that could give them that experience. It’s not just about being dominant, it’s about knowing what you do and being a proper gentleman.

Different sensations

This is one of the most fascinating parts to me. The most exciting thing that I had learned about woman’s biology - however - not from a biology class.

The way woman’s genitals are created is very interesting actually. Focusing on the two entrances, they’re back to back each other and share the same wall.

While entire vagina, or - in basic terms - the inside of the pussy, is sensitive to pleasure, the deeper you go the more sensitive it gets. The deep spot - not to be confused with the cervix, which can be painful or discomfort to some girls - is the best place for an orgasm. However not always it is easy to stimulate it properly with penis or with the fingers. This is where the approach from behind comes in. There really is no big magic.

A chance to try something new

Now that we've covered the basics, the big trick comes that many girls have desire to try multiple guys at once, aka the devil’s threesome. However not many are going to try that due various reasons. During anal sex, this opens opportunity to exploring the double penetration in terms of including toys. For example, combining a dildo, an egg vibrator or a plain fingers - although that would require some extraordinary acrobatics.

From my own experience, I’ve seen girls absolutely go crazy for this. Sometimes this can be a huge mix of physical stimulation yielding enormous pleasure and mental stimulation matching with her desires. It often may not take more than a few minutes until she’s quivering, moaning and having one of the most amazing orgasms in her life. If she wanted to be chocked or suck on your finger at the same time, don’t be surprised and give that to her. It might be the tipping point to being the perfect match to her.

Very important preface

I wrote this sort of upside down. While the order is not a rule in law and I think the stuff above is more exciting to read at first, now that I have your attention, please read this short section.

Never ever judge her for being self-conscious, for perhaps making your condom or penis brown, or in extremely rare cases shitting herself (I have never had that happen although a bit may come out when she orgasms strong and then releases muscles and if you come out right after). If you feel that this is disgusting for you, then don’t even do it. Seriously, the more intimate things get the more support, pre- and after-care it requires. While we guys often don’t feel on ourselves, it can have profound effect on her being in the bed if you don’t treat her with respect.

Always warm up. Unless she tells you differently, butt-plug and lube is a must. Depending on your size in width not length, you need to use a bigger (increasing in size) butt plug and lots of lube. Silicone lube, specialized, is the best. Personally I use water-based just to avoid unpleasant discoveries with her being allergic or smth. Most important to be generous with it. As while, she’d be able to enjoy so much pleasure, she has no natural lubrication there.

Skipping warm up could cause enormous amount of pain, even small tearing in the skin, and bleeding. From good this can quickly turn into very horrible experience. So don’t do that. Just a few minutes with a butt-plug goes a long way. It varies, of course, as to how much she is naturally relaxed.

That’s it. As with everything else, if you decide to try, talk with her, do it slow, be supportive, and enjoy exploring!

Basically, I wish to practice my eloquence in the rise of AI-written content. Especially when the majority will shoot themselves by outsourcing writing to ChatGPT. Another reason: I used to be insanely insecure and shy about the entire sex thing. Now I am grateful to have changed, and want to share the same things with my younger self (or like audience).

She then shared an extremely heartwarming message and told me that I should write this post. I think she has a point. Personally, on several occasions I had refused someone's advice just because I questioned the value of it. However, I am not proud of that. There is never too much knowledge our brains can hold. Every time I took something I felt was worthless, it seemed to magically come back useful in the short or distant future.

I think becoming good in bed is a very important thing in many aspects. It is like being a handyman and knowing how to change a tire on a car. First of all, it infuses one with a lot of confidence. That, when many of us feel shy and uncomfortable talking about it, is very helpful. One's confidence can positively impact the openness of both partners.

Good sex is only 20% of any relationship, but bad sex is essentially 80% of the connection and it will kill it.

This might be difficult to understand at first. I was in fact told this by the girl that I fell in love with. What this means is that when physical needs are satisfied, they only complete a small part of the picture. On the contrary, when sex is bad, it's essentially like a leaky bottle. It's only a matter of time until all the juice will run out and the two will part ways.

This doesn't need to happen. Being able to give someone a good sexual experience makes both feel more confident, more connected, and more safe.

But the craziest part of all, it really doesn't take as much. The majority of us are taught in school how to put on external contraception - a condom. But we are never taught about the importance of, for instance, foreplay. Yet there is so much more.

Just a bit of knowledge, a bit of passion, and a bit of patience from a guy, or from a leading partner, can go such a long way. Put it on both, and it can move mountains. I focus on a guy as when I write, I imagine that I'm talking to the young me. This, of course, is unisex and applies to the beautiful gender as well.

It's super simple. Whether it's a Valentine's day date or your anniversary (though for the latter, she would have already told you these things), here's what you need to know.

Personal Hygiene

Crop your nails

Make sure your nails are not only clean but also short. You never know where they will end up. The skin inside of her womanhood is very sensitive and precious. A longer nail, even if not sharp, can easily do lots of damage. Especially when she's coming and tightens her muscles. So please, make sure they're as smooth as possible.

Shower yourself. Put perfume.

Make sure you smell nice. There are literally guys that wear the same socks or underwear for days. That is not acceptable.

There is no manliness in not being able to take care of yourself. Take a shower. Put on fresh everything. Apply a bit of perfume... You can be creative about where you put it too ;).

Also, use deodorant if you tend to sweat easily and your sweat has a strong odor. I've noticed that when I eat clean, my sweat almost has no smell. That means avoiding artificial sweeteners such as protein bars and sugars.

So a bonus point: eat clean and you will win at life.

Drink pineapple juice (or eat it)

Speaking of bonus points, this is the biggest one I discovered. If you like her to swallow, and she's not someone crazy about it, you can play your cards right.

Assuming you meet her tonight: drink a liter of pineapple juice today, yesterday, and the day before yesterday. Also avoid junk food. You will taste much better for her.

Preparation and Safety

Have lube & condoms

I'm still surprised by the number of girls who have told me about men attempting intimate activities with inappropriate substitutes like olive oil.

I know it can feel embarrassing (at least that's how I felt about taking out anything other than a condom). But that hesitation is misplaced. If she sees you have these things, it's a huge turn on. She knows that you probably know what you're doing. She feels safer.

Some women become naturally aroused as soon as you kiss their neck and chest in the right way (hint: under the breasts). Others need more help, and there's nothing worse for her than lack of lubrication. It also feels worse for you. Trust me.

Note: If it's the first time, opt for a water-based lube. A portion of the population is allergic to silicone-based lube, and you don't want to discover this the hard way. Water-based is the safest choice. Also have silicone if you're into using toys, anal play, etc. Although in that case, this post is not for you. You're a pro! :)

If a girl is reading this, don't be afraid to ask for lube. I cannot imagine a man getting defensive about it. But do communicate earlier or bring some in your purse if plans aren't certain.

Always have condoms and use them the first time. Later, you can discuss with her about your preferences. Putting it on is easier than getting Plan B. Getting chlamydia or other infections is not worth it.

In Denmark, it's also now a felony to remove a condom without consent. If you struggle with maintaining an erection, I'll write another post about that soon.

Creating the Right Environment

Keep a tidy place & clean sheets

As you take care of your body, make sure you have clean sheets. Do laundry but don't use too much scented detergent—some people are allergic. You do not want her skin itching 10 minutes into foreplay.

If you're a messy person, at least throw everything into a cabinet. Girls are attracted to manly men, and a real man has his life together and in order. Be one, and these are ways to demonstrate it.

Consider lighting

Make sure you can dim the lights; don't rely on turning them completely off. She may not feel safe or may not like to be entirely in the dark. On the other hand, having bright light can be a deal-breaker for many.

Make sure you have that covered. Be creative if needed. A light on in the bathroom with a half-open door can work perfectly.

Find a playlist

Find a sexy playlist. The Weeknd always works, but on Spotify or YouTube Music, you can find plenty curated by the community. Avoid high-intensity music. It can be anything: sexy or simply a meditation track you'd hear during a massage.

Music isn't a must, but it definitely helps create the right atmosphere.

Communication and Consent

Don't be pushy & be first to back off

My biggest suggestion is don't be pushy or needy. If you're too desperate, take care of yourself beforehand.

At no point during intimacy should you be pushy, especially when you haven't communicated enough or are still riding an adrenaline wave.

If at any point she hints she doesn't want to continue, be the first one to back off—both stopping your actions AND giving physical distance.

You want to signal that she is in control. And she is, even in more intense situations, because she always should have the chance to say STOP or use a safe word.

The best part? When she sees that you respect her boundaries, she will become more aroused and turned on. Isn't that a nice win—one shot, two birds?

Limit alcohol intake

Wine & dine is popular. Wine, or any alcoholic beverage, can be an amazing wingman. However, too much can make people do things they don't want to.

Don't exceed the tipsy line. Make sure she's completely aware when consenting.

Being more sober can be the difference between no orgasms and many orgasms for her.

A drink is fine though—if she's stressed or you are, it can take the edge off.

These are super simple guidelines. I'm glad you made it all the way to the end. Be a gentleman, and have fun!

Biology - we’re wired differently.

A woman's biology is something wow. The first time I read about it I was fascinated. But don't worry, I will not bore you with it. You only need to know two simplified key facts to dig into this question.

1. Clitoris is short of the female equivalent of penis, yet twice as sensitive to the touch.

2. Vagina, on the other hand, has different design and does not respond to the touch as fast.

That means, unlike as - guys, it takes a greater journey for a lady to reach a climax from within inside stimulation. Be it an intercourse, fingering, toys, etc.

Brains - they never chill

Plus, not biological fact, our brains work differently. During sexual arousal a guy is in his natural state to take the lead until culmination. He doesn't necessarily need to be assured by a girl, nor feel completely safe and trusted.

Unfortunately, when we flip the roles, a girl often doesn't get to feel fully relaxed. She is by nature thinking about a dozen of things. Mostly about how you perceive her. A bit fearing for things going wrong-awkward. But sometimes also about the things she had done during the day, haha. I know it sounds a bit funny but that's true.

There is one main thing to understand here. That, even if she seems and thinks she is completely relaxed, she likely is not. Especially if she hasn't known you for a long time.

Mental effect - power of peace

An interesting fact here is that it not uncommon for a girl to be a believer that she can only orgasm in a relationship. She becomes a believer that it works against her advantage if she's not in the mood for anything serious. I've heard this a lot of times, and I've witnessed this proven wrong many times too.

To be clear, I don't advocate neither for one or the another. I rather wish to call things by their real names. In relationship, a girl has it much easy to reach that peace of mind that allows her to be physically present. But with the right guy, any girl can feel that. To put this simple to understand, think of doctors you've visited as a kid. Some you had talked and felt stress build up each minute. Others you talked and it is as if he was breathing out mist of peace, you felt so calm.

I had a girl tell me how she would feel so calm in the presence of some men, that she would get dripping wet. That is, in not sexual contexts.

Can you really picture the power of that? Think for a moment.

Does the size matter? Yes & No.

Of course, it would be silly to ignore the size of penis. It matters and having a perfect match for each other can work wonders. But, this is not something we can change so don't worry about it. If you cannot give her this experience with fingers, it wouldn't matter even if you couldn’t fit in your pants. Likewise, the groundwork we can lay down is the cornerstone.

TL:DR; Reasons

This brings to 3 main facts playing against.

1. Biologically, her womanhood needs much more stimulation.

2. She needs to be fully relaxed and present, not mentally elsewhere.

3. She needs to trust you that you know what you're doing, in the sense of being a leader in the bedroom. Therefore letting her feel safe in your presence.

What can you do about it?

Many things. You need to know what you're getting into it and you need to have stamina. Whether it is your penis or fingers. I am planning on writing how to train to improve that.

Foreplay - focus how she feels

Then, lots of foreplay. It starts with the way you talk with her on the phone, to how you make her feel around you, or at your place. Long before you start taking each other clothes off.

Have dimmed lights, good playlist on. You want everything playing to your advantage.

After you do that, appreciate her body. Compliment from within your heart. It's okay to not be crazy about each inch of her and you don't have to fake it. It's the energy that matters, and if you didn't find her attractive you wouldn't be here. So reframe that energy and make her feel sexy and desired.

Being slow is your friend

Start with light, slow touches away from the peak spots. Take your time. The lack of speed is your friend. The longer you can stretch out going slow the easier you will have. This helps her relax and get into her body.

Going to one hour Thai massage makes this so easy to understand. Around 30 minutes in is when I realize my mind begins chilling down and I'm just relaxing and enjoying. Try it.

Once you get to her pussy, be prepared it's gonna take a while. Don't expect to succeed from the first try not don't make it about it as she will know and it will work against you.

I don't want to dive into how you should touch her in this post. My biggest lesson here is that making a girl extremely aroused and (close to) climax is what you want. Doesn't matter what ways you do this. This will unlock her ability to climax with you inside.

Explore her sexual fantasies

It’s more than okay to talk with her what she likes and inviting her to share her fantasizes. Unfortunately, it’s one of the most difficult things for many girls to do, I’d say guys too. But knowing what someone likes, you can really build that scene they want and this will add a ton to her arousal.

A simple example, I had a girl who always wanted to try something from bdsm and he had mentioned she never came with a guy. We did entire sexual fantasy exploration. That led to putting a collar on her, tying her hands behind. Starting with a rough play scene her kneeling down before me, dirty talking and spanking, followed by an intercourse. She was shaking and climaxing in less than a few minutes from the start of the intercourse. It was a very hot scene. It was led with knowledge, assertiveness and confidence.

In this situation the mental side of the things were very much on our side. She felt rather very stressed about it. We had gone for some shots and I was borderline letting her go home and she seemed like those students lining up before the oral exam in the university and close to switching colors. Yet she had a great conviction and desire to try, and the fact I was able to talk about all these things in a very peaceful and open manner made her feel safe. This is something that will come to you naturally as you grow and improve. Most importantly, prioritize to giving her a good time above you finishing.

Lots of options

By this point, you probably realize how much you can, and it's wonderful. Not many are going to do that, and when you do she will thank you for it.

We, humans, for some reason want to always pick the path of least resistance and as guys we also want to just get what we want and that’s it. However this leaves out so much potential out there.

Without diving into why it’s much better to make a girl cum, let’s understand the most common reasons behind. I will address assuming if you, the reader, were a guy.

You’re not taking the lead.

For a girl to climax, she needs to be led, to completely trust you know what you’re doing, and therefore, relax. Some are naturally relaxed personalities and it will not matter as much, while others are going to be as sensitive to your leadership in the bedroom as the doggy smelling chicken in the oven.

To better explain this,

I’m gonna throw out rather a wild example with a soccer team and a coach.

• Why a coach is so important?

• Well, because for one to perform their best they need to believe they can achieve their best.

Entire society functions on hierarchy one way or another. We start by leading ourselves in the morning to go for a run, train, meditate, journal etc. Some of us, who lead our teams, our departments, our friends, our companies.

Think of someone, you’d been following and felt so inspired that you felt you could move the mountains. Now that’s how it works.

Imagine a girl, who has had little experience, maybe she knows what she likes and could share but she’s too occupied about how she looks to you, if she’s attractive enough, if she smells right, if she tastes nice, if it’s gonna be awkward, beside a dozen other thoughts that she constantly has in her mind.

If you don’t take the lead, you only feed into her unhelpful thoughts. However if you guide her through the entire journey and ensure her on the way, it can easily be one of nicest experiences for her.

It’s as simple as making a small plan on how you’d want it to go down, making sure your place is clean and smells nice, complimenting her and not showing bunch of doubts. This is going to be an entire article on its own. But basically imagine when you’re going to a doctor/surgeon, you want the one, that feels very assertive and certain what he does. And you become this way, by learning before hand. No stupid shit.

Now in some sexually liberated cultures such as Denmark, a girl will more often than not be the one to show more initiative and make advances. But, if she’s being leading one, then how can she enjoy to receive the physical pleasure. It directly contradicts. In this case, it’s actually easier. It’s not about playing who’s more confident but rather showing no hesitation and initiative. The synergy works wonders then.

If it’s a girl that enjoys being more submissive, then you also need to show more of your dominant masculine side. They need this to stop being dominant in their mind in the bedroom, and that is a prerequisite.

PS. In this case, I implicitly ignore situations, where a girl wants to be the Dom, and a guy - the Sub.

Of course, this doesn’t mean disrespecting her boundaries or making sexual advances without a consent.

You have no idea what you’re doing.

Majority of guys don’t know much more beyond that there is a hole and a pole, and that there’s a desire to insert a pole in the hole. Woman’s biology however is far more complex and amazing. While a lady does draw a great pleasure from an intercourse, that’s only a tip of the ice berg of her potential.

We live in an age where we nearly choke from the information. It doesn’t take long to find resources to read about the types of orgasms a girl can have and how to help her enjoy them.

In my early days, I actually read a couple books that were not long at all and it was extremely eye opening about how wonderful biology and genitals of a woman are. I had even watched porn, to get the overall idea of how to behave both in the bedroom and regarding techniques.

Although I feel responsible to tell that a lot of adult content is horrible to learn from. It’s very important to not feel arrogant after seeing a couple of videos and attempt to do it at home all the same. Lots of stuff is fake. In short, if you wouldn’t learn to become a pilot from Hollywood movies… but for inspiration it’s ok.

Anyways, learn this. Perhaps it’s one of the most pleasant thing in the entire life to learn.

You don’t make her horny enough.

This is the greatest challenge in the culture of everything being instant. Instant noodles, instant porn, instant satisfier (a type of vibrator for her), instant sex to put it inside is just as tempting.

Of course, if you have a quickie with your partner, then ignore this.

The biggest cheat code that I had consistently learned over the years to be nearly universal, is the build up, the anticipation.

It’s not about how fast you can go, it’s about how slow you can go.

It’s how I felt when I was a kid a day away from my birthday, anticipating the taste of the cake, the unpacking of presents, even though I probably knew what was inside. As homo sapiens, we’re stupidly simple - put a candy in front of us for long enough, and it’s easily the most delicious one.

The same can be done with many girls (edge cases excluded), tease her enough until she would beg and she will have the easiest time orgasming. It can be as easy as laying down and slowly kissing her lips or neck while you circle a finger right over her entrance as it slowly opens up and becomes ten folds as wet.

To make it easy in practice, think of this.

20 - 20 - 20 rule

Instead of sliding all your fingers inside of her, take it one at a time. Take it slow. Count up to 20 before you slide one fully inside. Same with the tongue, don’t give all your power and speed away. Same goes to foreplay. I know sometimes it’s boring but it has such a profound difference in making her wet and relaxed, that even you will enjoy more later.

To put this in the right order, strive to take 20 minutes before she’s naked. Count at least 20 seconds before you start any type of direct stimulation. Aim to stick to the same movement and not change more often than 20 seconds.

You are trying so hard to make her climax.

This is a kind of tricky one.

If a girl is self conscious and she keeps thinking how you’re trying to make her climax instead of just showing the attention, the physical touch to her, it can completely back fire.

Especially if you are physically struggling to keep up, she will start feeling the pressure to cum as she doesn’t want to hurt your ego, which in return will make it completely impossible.

Therefore, pay attention to how you communicate. Don’t go right down on her and try to make her cum if you had just talked about how she struggles to have an oral orgasm. Don’t act like it’s a car shop. She wants to cum, but if you’re so quick to attempt to fix the problem, it’s obvious.

When you start appreciating her body, take your time. Instruct her to close eyes (blindfold can be good idea), tell her to follow each touch and you can ask her to withhold from orgasming in a confident way. This sounds confusing but it can help wonders removing the pressure.

If you ever been to a massage, treat it like one. It’s a good example. There is no goal, just an entire hour of you enjoying the attention and relaxing. You want her to feel the same way.

Finally, as aforementioned, educate yourself and hit the gym. You will thank yourself later.

Recap

Most guys suck, don’t be most guys. Educating yourself and focusing on giving her good time in a slow patient manner will go a long way, and as you get more experienced, many of these things will happen naturally.

1. Take initiative in the bedroom. Don’t wait for her to do everything. Show your masculine/dominant side. Of course, respect boundaries and consent is a must.

2. Learn how to touch her, based on type of orgasms you want to give.

3. Make her really horny. Be the slowest guy to put it inside she had ever met, “it” can also mean your fingers.

4. Don’t make it a contest to make her climax. Do it as a secret while giving her the SPA of her lifetime.

Extra tip

Finally, every girl is different. Some have it easier, some are more challenging nuts. It’s work of art.

Most importantly, if you’re genuine about giving her good time and are not insecure about it but neither arrogant, she will be more than happy to share her side of the things and what you can do better. Don’t miss out on it.